Favours Are Called In was made by Xander on 2/26/2003 at 7:25:29 PM.
Please note: This tale takes place before the events detailed in Untold Tales of the Lair Legion 99 & 100.
Two weeks ago ...
It is another cold, damp and misty evening in Hell's Bathroom, a particularly seedy part of Paradopolis. A man is seated, within a book-lined room, at a table which is piled high with letters, ledgers and rolled up parchment. The scene is not atypical of many, such as may be found in the offices of lawyers (especially those of the aged "family man of business" mould) or possibly money lenders. As the viewer takes in more detail of the scene, a faint nagging sensation materialises at the back of the consciousness, trying to bring to mind some anomaly of the situation.
As we take in a wider view of the scene, further idiosyncrasies start to become apparent. The titles and authors of the books on the shelves start to conjure up interesting imagery. "My Days as a Werewolf" by Larry Talbot, "A Study on the Transylvanian Creatures of the Night" by Van Helsing, and "Soul Pacts, and How to Break Them" by Lucius Faust start to inform the viewer that this is no conventional lawyer. Volumes written by Symmetry Daye and Tyne catch the eye, along with the "Chronicles of the Chronometer of Infinity". The above titles share shelf space with "Watch Repairing for Beginners", "Tall Case Clocks", "European Timepieces of Renown" and other such titles. The adjacent section consists of such classic works as "The User's Guide to the 3/8 Gripley" by Bill Door, "The WC Boggs Catalogue of Plumbing Supplies" and "Antipodean Sanitary Porcelain" by R.Dunny. A stuffed crocodile hangs, conspicuously askew, from the ceiling, where use has been found for it as a coat rack.
The red dressing gown, worn by the gentleman, now can be made out to be a set of faded red robes, and the papers to his left seem to be surmounted by a stone paperweight in the shape of a hamster. The figure is hunched over a selection of papers, the top one of which is headed "The Last Will and Testament of Reginald Grange". Further study of the document reveals that the several specific bequests are listed, detailing shares, cash amounts and a list of books. The books are listed as bequeathed to "The Edward Endleby Memorial Library, Harrogate, England". The final item seems to be holding the attention of the reader.
The figure puts the document aside and picks up another sheet of legal-looking typescript, which had accompanied the copy of the will. He reflects on one particular paragraph -
You may be intrigued, as are we, by the final bequest. We have also been instructed to hand over a letter to you upon the death of our client. This is to be presented to you in person. In light of this, please call on us at your earliest convenience, such that we can conclude the business in accordance with our client's wishes.
I Rhun
Troia215 arrives at the office ready to start another day, just as the clock explodes. This is the normal means of indicating that the hour is 1.00pm - ever since NTU-150 carried out a small overhaul. Readjusting the papers on her desk, Troia puts her spear in the spear rack (no-one has felt confident enough to point out that this is an umbrella stand - especially as the last "helpful" individual had to be unpinned from the wall!) "We must get Xander to look at that clock" she thinks to herself, before reality dawns and she shudders, thinking "no-one on the team has enough favours left for that!"
The door is flung open, as Nats arrives, bearing a yellowing envelope. "Delivery for the Lair Legion" he says, proffering a clipboard for signature, "please sign here!" Having obtained his signature, Nats hands over the package, and departs, with a look of extreme relief on his face.
Fin Fang Foom is attempting to come to terms with some of the paperwork that has accumulated on his desk throughout the recent weeks. He is not too pleased as Troia enters with another envelope. "Nice of you to find the time to join us" he grunts, instinctively dodging the spear which is thrust in "gentle greeting!"
"I thought you'd better see this" Troia quips, her annoyance at the timekeeping reference plain to see, "if you thought things were bad, just take a look at this!" At which point, she recovers her spear from the arm of the leather chair, turns, and departs, to leave the Draconic leader of the Lair Legion to investigate the package.
Finny's expression of puzzlement soon turned to one of dismay, as he recognises the handwriting on the letter as that of Xander the Improbable, Sorcerer Supreme of the Parodyverse. Dismay turns to despair as the nature of the contents becomes clear.
As you are no doubt aware, the collection and redemption of favours is part of my day-to-day routine. On several occasions, the Lair Legion have had cause to call upon my experience in a professional capacity. In light of these past services, I now feel that it is appropriate to request a small service in partial recompense.
I require the services of an operations team to assist in a "house clearance". The team will need to be capable of a wide range of skills, as the contents of the house are unknown, and can be assumed to be hazardous. In anticipation of your agreement, I have already contacted the team members that I require. They should have received their instructions as you are reading this letter.
You will not, I am sure, be surprised if I am not there, in person, throughout the whole of the operation!
Xander
P.S. A suitable rate can be negotiated for the necessary repairs to your clock.
At the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar, Sarah Shepherdson is carrying out her day job, secure in the knowledge that no-one there is aware that she is secretly the superheroine, the Probability Dancer. She was just carrying a tray, bearing a customer order, to the table when Mr Papadopopolis called her over to the till. "Sarah, ITC have just delivered an envelope for you. They insisted you were given it as soon as possible!"
Sarah, whose probability altering powers usually served her well, realised that ITC was not the usual postal service, and suspected that this may be out of the ordinary. She excused herself, and retreated to the rest room to check the note.
On opening the door, she starts to explain that Fin Fang Foom is not there when she recognises the delivery boy. "It's okay", Nats replies, "this letter is for you." Amazed, Ziles accepts, and signs for, the communication and returns inside, tearing open the envelope in eagerness to discern the contents.
It is difficult to say who is more confused, Nats at being referred to as Vizh's darling, or Vizh at the transformation of his wife into a delivery boy, bearing a resemblance to one of the Lair Legion. "Letter for Visionary" Nats says, keeping his distance in case of any amorous manoeuvres. "Please sign here." Vizh obliges, and Nats departs as Vizh starts to ask "Who sent this ..." "I guess I'll have to open it to find out" Vizh says to no-one in particular" as he hunts for a knife which is not covered with jam. After a mere thirty five minute search, culminating with a successful find in the knife drawer, and then, pausing only to apply a sticking plaster to the wound, Vizh gains access to the envelope. Inside is found another envelope with instructions, as follows:-
Inside is yet another envelope, a key, and the following note.
As a favour repaid, I require you to go to the John Dee Memorial Mystical Emporium on Saturday evening at 10 pm. Meet up with the rest of your team and lead them through the building to discover the mysteries within. Please present your full findings to me on your return. Use this key to open the front door. Please wipe your feet on the mat, and lock up afterwards. Xander
Dancer is the first to arrive, not wishing to be late, but being cautious, decides to watch from across the street. Looking around she spots Ziles, being equally cautious in an adjacent doorway. "What brings you here?" Ziles enquires. " Xander calling in a favour" she replies "and you?" "Likewise" Dancer admits, "and I'm a little concerned who and what else we may encounter tonight."
At this point Yo, in male form, bounds along, with Rabito lolloping along beside him. "Hi cute Ziles, cute Dancer. This is being good fun!" Further conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Visionary, looking perplexed as he tries to decipher a street map of Paradopolis. "Cute Vizh" greets Yo "what is bringing you here" "An invitation from Xander" he replies, "but I don't know what we're in for!"
"Cute Xander is just wanting us to have fun, this is being like an episode of the cute Scooby Doo." Observes Yo. "Which of us is Daphne?" queries Dancer, "and who is Shaggy?" "I've got this key, and a set of instructions" offers Vizh "perhaps we should try the door?" Vizh turns to the team, observing no major enthusiasm until Yo speaks up. "This is being a great adventure. Open the door, cute Vizh, Yo is believing that there will be no danger!"
With this reassurance, the team cautiously approach the front door.
(Original concept started in Early 2002!)
Igneous Rhun (Partner).
Soo, Grabbit & Rhun, Attorneys at Law, Grays Inn Road, London, England.
Present day ...
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Paradopolis ...
Yo, is at home, caring for the thought bunny collection - a never-ending task, given their proclivity for procreation. S/he is intrigued as Rabito hops towards him/her carrying a note. Yo looks towards the door to see the form of a rapidly departing Nats. "Cute Nats is not wanting to be staying to chat, Rabito my friend. Let us be seeing what is being in the letter." At this point, Yo slits open the letter and reads the note.
Ziles, spending time camped out at Finny's place, in the hope that he may someday return, answers a knock at the door. "Special Delivery" comes the shout from outside. Ziles answers the door, pausing only to ensure that she had remembered to get dressed - Finny's central heating was most effective!
Visionary is happily at home, contemplating when Cheryl is due to return from the shops, when there is a knock at the door. Thinking that everyone functions at his level, he assumes that it is Cheryl having forgotten her key. "Be there in a moment, darling" he calls, quickly making his way over to the door of the condo.
Saturday Evening
In the next episoide, Xander teams up with an acquaintance to solve the real mystery, whilst the "Scooby Gang" find out what John Dee's Memorial actually consists of! To be posted in the next week, assuming people are interested ...